The first ayahuasca session was interpreted by the shamans as my fears prevailed and that I should focus more and try to beat them.
To be honest I had doubts if it was right decision to do it once again. But I wasn’t ready to give in to my fears, so I decided I would.
I promised myself that I would be more open to the medicine and I won’t let my fears stand in my way.
I believe it was true when they said that each and every ayahuasca experience is different.
Soon after I drank the glass that I was given, the visions started – thick darkness everywhere, as if I was trying to see the sky on a cloudy night. Almost impossible.
Then it became brighter – nice colors and shapes perfectly symmetrical moving quickly and changing position, like in a cartoon. Amusing and funny.
Describing ayahuasca experience is in a way like retelling a dream.
I remember that everything that I would produce in my thoughts became materialized in front of my eyes, so I decided I would only think of beautiful things and colors turned brighter.
It was more than obvious that one of the members on the retreat was in pain and his screaming disturbed many of the other members.
I, on the contrary, experienced it as I was a witness on the night when Jesus Christ was born – little baby crying and everyone gathered around it.
I thought of my sister and started to cry, thinking of how much I missed her for the past few weeks and that I felt an urge to hug her tightly.
Then I saw her in a white dress on her wedding day, beautiful and smiling as she is always. And pregnant!
I was in a happy and safe place and I felt wonderful, not even vomiting could spoil the experience.
I wished that everyone in the room would find in ayahuasca what they were searching in life.
When visions started to fade away I knew it was time that I go to bed and rest.
But it doesn’t stop then and there all the goodness that I’ve learned those three days on the retreat.
I will practice in my prayers, in my mind and in my deeds that love really conquers all! Amen.